Growing up in the early 2000's carried more sunshine than rainy days. One supposed that a little black boy from Edenwald Houses would have big dreams of a distant reality that seemed far fetched. Imagining different alternatives became second nature. What if Kobe Bryant played soccer instead of basketball? What if Steve Darwin The Crocodile Hunter was a black man? These were things that I and those in my circles would talk amongst ourselves about. Becoming Aristotle was never apart of the equation. Whether I ask of things I should or shouldn't be concerned about was something that drove me to be more courageous.
Trading places with my innocent child version is something I often crave for. Paranoia and anxiety attacks are an ongoing ritual at twenty-five. A phobia of police, peer pressure, or Father Time isn't the cause of this trauma. If I can be transparent. I am afraid that I'm going to run out of time, and my P&Q's won't be in their proper placement. It's between the anxiety attacks and thoughts of a nuclear war that still keep me on the edge of my bed.
College debt and seeking the right soulmate is a lesser concern, compared to most of my peers. Before any virus or social distancing took it's toll on human interactions I had plans to make a transition from an unpublished blogger to a published writer. Even though I've reached thousands of people across the globe while typing from a notebook in my living room, bringing in some work to a publisher or publishing my own book would knock several doors down. August to December of 2019 I would work on a manuscript for a book. This work-in-progress is a story of my life, from my birth and growing up in Edenwald, to the events that landed me to BMCC (Borough of Manhattan Community College), eventually leading to my dismissal and my introduction into the world of blogging. If author Nathan McCall (Makes Me Wanna Holla) can do it, so could I. Due to our current situation (combatting COVID-19) we'll have to leave thing s in the hands of time.
I may suffer from depression, but I am somebody. I may not have the most money, but I am somebody. I may not wear the best clothes, but I am somebody. I may struggle with my identity, but I am somebody. I may not be where I want to be in life, but I am somebody. Case in point: Although I'm human and have been dealt a couple bad hands my role as a writer is to use my failures and shortcomings to give those in need a sense of purpose. This method of showing suffering through one's art is ancient. Forcing one's views and opinions on others is one thing, but trying to relate is another.
Age always causes us to reminisce. When I look back on how things went down I'm glad I hadn't taken my own life and went off the edge and went crazy. Maybe it was God who walked with me through the fire. Personally, I have gone through so much stuff that I've become a pro at facing circumstances head on. To all my fellow millennials: stay fighting and keep your head up. [4/16/2020]
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